Hi Lew,
As you may or may not know, I have been engrossed in these topics since I had a burnout breakdown about 15 years ago.
It's frustrating fact of human nature that a phrase can at one time seem to enlighten the debate can become iconic as people fail to understand the duality of human nature. People focus too much on one iconic term and lose sight a large part of the struggle. 'Self esteem' has become such a term.
It is not just self esteem we seek to achieve, but self loathing we deny, then must face and defend against. Every comment about 'self esteem' describes both sides. We cannot seek our magnificence until we have overcome the tendency to hate ourselves. Any attempt will fail because the mental foundation is unsteady.
from Dr. Joe Rubino - "We diminish ourselves when we lose sight of our magnificence and forget that we have special qualities, talents and gifts that would be of benefit to others. Abdicating responsibility for our greatness heats the world because we short-change our potential to impact others with the special gifts only we can offer. One way to handle this preoccupation with our fears is to focus on worthwhile achievements that are much more significant than our petty concerns. Committing to worthwhile and lofty goal allows us to shift our focus from our concerns and problems and builds our self-image and self-esteem in the process."
One of the keys is to be grateful for what we can give - to others and ourselves.
Gratitude is the first sign of mental health. A person who cannot show gratitude is unhealthy. They are too self involved or self conscious. In other terms, the person is too preoccupied with their own fears. This is the common affect of mental illness.
When a person is seeking to overcome mental illness, they must first respect themselves. The person must respect not only their special qualities, talents and gifts, but must also accept and respect their emotional weakness.
These are not petty concerns. It's a hard fact to learn in today's glitzy, fast-paced world.
To attempt to simply shift focus does not build self image and self esteem. Without an awareness of one's own emotional health, this effort is a step towards becoming psychopathic or sociopathic. There is no foundation for compassion, guilt, joy or love.
The rhetoric surrounding self esteem condemns sympathy and guilt, replacing these normal human emotions with feigned empathy; and a cold pretense of maturity in simplistic boundaries.
Sympathy and compassion are necessary human emotions. If the person respects themselves, their boundaries will always be flexible, and subjective. These emotion engender the deepest expressions of human nature. The very core of human rights, if you will.
A person without guilt is simply sociopathic, by definition. Guilt is the core emotion for responsibility. A person (or organization) without guilt is never responsible for the negative aspects of their actions. They feel no responsibility to grow, or change their behavior.
A good example is a Diva. The Diva is always right, even when he or she has no concept of the topic and only expresses a thoughtless opinion. In the irony of reality, the Diva hates him/herself, and seeks to deny that self loathing by forcing their thoughtlessness on others.
Well that's enough from me. Your newsletter just rubbed a raw moment in my mind.
Paul
